3 Born in Dusk

Sometimes life teaches us after letting us make mistakes for a long time. You have to learn certain things not through books, but through your experiences. The same philosophy, which so many people had told you before… huh? Let it be, hear it from a different mouth once again.
I had always been one among the best few. I don’t boast about myself, but that’s what it had always been. An all rounder in college, with an impressive placement in a multinational company, hard earned through sleepless nights in the 6th semester. The management was impressed. Department people were happy. We brought placement records to the electronics department. We were invited to share our success stories in front of others. My friends and myself did what our seniors failed to do. When they badly failed to get into BPOs even, we got into MNCs off the campus, pity our college wasn’t in the list of the IT giants. May be because of their curse, bad luck started creeping in… the IT down turn came. People lost jobs, selected people were not absorbed in. things were getting worse when we dint have any new placements coming up.
My lesson is something not exactly connected to this, but the discussion has a little part to play. I sill remember the date. It was 3rd of December 08. Me and 5 of my friends went to attend an off campus recruitment conducted by Sysofni. I came to know about that a few days before the day of the interview. So I made a point that I will do the best on my part, even though I would get eliminated in the very first round. I studied the interview pattern carefully, and went completely through the tips provided by the previously selected candidates. I knew I would never make it up, because, the competition was rising like hell each moment.
On the morning of 3rd, we guys met up a place, deciding to go together where the interview was held. I was dressed fine, what am I going to lose? Even if I lost the aptitude round, I could at least gain the envious look of few girls and admiring look of a few boys. All over the way we went teasing and making fun of each other, occasionally checking with the formulae and short cuts. The written test went real smooth, spending more than 2 hours with dashing Sysofni men who conducted the process. Here, don’t come to any conclusion yet. I enjoyed the test quite well. I did the aptitude side okay-okay and did justice to the English part. We came out and had nice chat planning about what we would be doing after we completed BE. Begging was the unanimous option that came out. Lunch time went away in a jiffy and the results were to be announced. We were the last gang to move in. we took seats getting ready to call the people who got selected with bad names. When they said that only 10 got short listed, I couldn’t sit in my seat. I wanted to grab my bag and get into the bus. I would secure a seat at least there. But in spite of that I was sitting there, waiting with hope that at least one of my friends would get selected. Nothing happened till the 6th name. When the 7th name was read, there was a huge deafening applause around me, and I couldn’t understand a thing. It was my own damn name which was being repeated by the person who was announcing. Friends pushed me and my legs carried me away automatically. I was thinking back. I thought that a few guys would notice me, but now there were more than 700 guys looking at me, enviously. I was happy and ashamed, so suddenly. I made up mind that one moment; I would never again try to impress a guy through my physical appearance.
A few hours back, I was whispering into my friend’s ear “why wouldn’t that Sysofni guy in crisp white shirt and French beard care to give me a little glance? His smile is great…why won’t he come and ask me for my marks card??....”
When I went up to front, the man in crisp white shirt and French beard smiled at me. I wasn’t excited by that, though I dint forget to return the smile. He congratulated me on clearing the tough first round and said he wanted me to give my best the next day in the HR round. But even before that I had made up my mind on what I was going to do the next day.
And he did ask for my marks card.
The next day I was the last to hurry into the conference room, afraid about the bad impression I was going to make. But instead I was greeted by upwardly curved lips, hidden by a French beard.
How I lost the interview that day is unimportant. I know I made a impression on the HR person, who continued chatting with me and laughing at my jokes for half an hour even after he said straight away that my chances of making to the short list was difficult; I know I had the day’s longest unsuccessful interview; and above all, I learnt a lesson the previous evening- the power of the inside personality over the biological frame work.
When was travelling back home, my sister who accompanied me that day took my hands and looked into my tear filled eyes and said she was sorry for me; that she was happy for the sleepless night I spent working before this day. I told her ‘yeah, I am also happy for the last night that went sleepless and for the evening which woke me up from a virtual sleep…’ I know that she would have perceived that in a different sense. But I care the least; I was relieved that I let one person know that I had woken up at last.
We got out of the bus, and I told her I had to celebrate that day, for the lesson that I learnt for myself.
She was excited… she liked cheese pizzas.

2 Understanding relationships:

Understanding relationships:
Inter relationship:
These are some dialogs in a relationship. If you do this, then I will do that for you. If you don’t do this, then I will not do that for u. when love depends on ‘what you do’ and ‘what you don’t’, it disturbs the flow in the relationship. When conditions succeed, love fails. Where love succeeds, there will be no conditions. When too many conditions and rules are laid in a relation, it brings too much of mind into the relationship. Relationship being a matter of the heart, with too many conditions, the spontaneity of the relationship is lost. The net result is insecurity in the relationship, “Hey! He is not relating to me, but to my actions. I am not loved for what I am, but what I do and what I am expected ‘not to’. If this relation has to flow, then I have to keep doing things that would please him.” Now, with such a thought process, there are only 2 possibilities.
The first possibility: I want to be ‘me’, and so much I want to be ‘me’ that I will let go of that relationship, which doesn’t allow me to be ‘me’. Once, twice, thrice… when repeatedly my relationships fall apart, and all that is because I wanted to be me, I become insecure. Helplessly, the question creeps into mind, “Why is that no one is able to accept me for what I am?” after that, as you step into any new relationship, the thought process is, “what should I do to save at least this relationship?”
The second possibility: I want the relationship so much that I am willing to do anything and everything for the sake of pleasing him. I don’t care what I lose, but I want to save the relationship. My values, my principles, my originality, my priorities… in effect, my very life goes for a toss, for the sake of keeping the relationship intact. Eventually, I become manipulative. For the sake of the relationship, I start thinking, what if I do, how if I do, what if I don’t… will he be pleased with me. Every time after doing something I anxiously wait to see- what will be his reaction? This anxious wait makes me insecure. This everyday struggle to keep the relationship going makes me feel less about myself, and that makes me insecure.
Love is love, only when what you do and what you don’t does not alter my love for you. we call that unconditional love. Hmmm… if love is not unconditional, it is not love at all. Be unconditional in your love. Let them know, adults as well as children, no matter what they do, no matter what they don’t, you will love them the same forever. Be that source of security. Finding an unconditional lover is a consequence. Being an unconditional lover is a choice. Wanting an unconditional lover in your life makes you dependent. The best word you can utter in a relationship is “I will love you the same forever…’ if your love depends on the relationship, then you will not be able to say this. Relationship is a fluctuating phenomenon. Your love too fluctuates.

Intra-relationship:
This is nothing but your relationship with yourself. I can give only what I have. If I have ignorance, I can give only my ignorance. If I have wisdom, then I can give you my wisdom. Prosperity or poverty, I can share only what I have. If I don’t love myself, I can’t love others. If I can’t stand myself, I will not be able to stand anyone. If I don’t accept myself for what I am, I will not be able to accept myself for what I am; I will not be able to accept you for what you are. If I haven’t forgiven myself, I can’t forgive you. Whatever I need to give the world, it must first start with me.


Spiritual relationship:
The all important relationship is the spiritual relationship- relationship with the god.
How long can the lava retain its heat after leaving the volcano? How long can life go on without the source of energy, the sun? Where is the question of an effect without the cause? If you remove the sun from the sunrays, there are no more sunrays. If you remove the gold from the necklace, then there is no more a necklace. If you remove mud from a pot, there is no more a pot. Similarly, if you remove that source of life from you, from me, from our relationships, then nothing remains. Through prayers, through meditation, through the way you live your life, by the purity of your thoughts and feelings, by blemishless character, by devotion, surrender and faith, by doing, by non-doing…. Whatever be your ways… by all the ways live a life where you feel his presence all the time. When this one relationship is going right, life takes care of itself. For the first time you will understand the expression “My life is flowing…”

Source: Frozen thoughts