1 REASONS UNDISCOVERED

There are a few questions hanging in my mind, for which I am struggling to get to know the answers. But I thought, rather struggling alone, I could share my views with you… so that you can compare the similar events that might have happened somewhere in your life. Let me start explaining things right away, in which I am not a very good expert.
First of all, I would like to ask a single question to you. Make an honest reply, and keep it to your heart while we proceed to the rest of the reflections.
“Has there been a moment, in which you felt like crying out with all your heart?”
Well, to start with, my life was nothing more than a play ground… till I was in school. We all know very well that life starts only after that. Till then I dint know the responsibilities, the commitments etc, and my life was actually led by my parents, just like that of almost every teenager in the world. But after coming into the under graduation, almost after two and a half years, I realized that there should be more things that I need to explore… for myself. And that included true friendship, differentiating between the good and the bad, knowing love, discovering the meaning of relations, and how it is to care and to be cared. But I wasn’t that childish to go in search of these things, but they happened just like that in the course of fate.
Friend… the most beautiful word, which has thousand meanings in it. There had always been friends, but never like a remarkable two. They actually made me realize the new definition of how it would feel to be loved and cared for. That was the happy side of the relation. But as people say, misunderstandings lead to better understanding; I started understanding certain things when problems came. Until then, they were so faint and invisible. But as I came closer to my friends, I saw the problems more clearly. Here starts my problem… I always tend to offer my helping hands with out summon...! This quality of mine was the start of the trouble. Friends started thinking that I was poking my nose into their matters, and there came a gap. Now tell me, did u cry under any such situation?
Love… I don’t think I should say much about this, which is a reserved area of every human being’s heart. Only in love, you don’t need to explore things. Everything comes your way… to be more correct, appears to come your way. Those who enjoy this panorama from a distance have a nice experience; but those who get away from the road to take a closer look get hurt too much. They become a lesson for others… an example of where to take diversion, and where not to… I don’t know if I am right contemplating things here, but I leave to you to take the decision. Now tell me, did u cry under any such situation?
Relations… the innocence of the childhood disappeared as I became more, say wiser. Now I hate being able to think on my own, that I am able to make up reasons, and that I am wiser. Though I love my family, I at times had to cheat them for silly reasons. I had been making fun of them, when they had trusted me blind found. That’s the one real reason why I am posting this article. Nothing appears wrong until we are making mistakes. But once I came out of the ground of mistakes and saw what had happened, it was painful like hell to see the ill justice that I had done to all the faith they had on me. It remains in my heart like a small fragment of dust in my eye… pricking me at times… Did the moment u realized that you had been breaking trust bring tears to your eyes? Now tell me, did u ever cry under any such situation?
Then in this final part, I don’t see any mistake in myself. It is my way to care for people infinitely, no matter how long I had known them. But this again was a trouble… people started taking advantage of this character of mine. I lost more than I got. But this was for good. I gained the highest virtue… forgiving. I found it easier for me to forgive people and forget the way they hurt me. I am flabbergasted at myself… the change that I found in me, before 4 years and now. I was less forgiving, more like a crater of vengeance, waiting to score back. But after I started caring for people, when I started loving them, I found myself slowly giving up the habit of expecting each and everything in return… even small things like unanswered calls, unreturned missed calls, and messages seldom replied… wait, I am a human being too… even if I don’t expect volumes of love in return, all I expect from my loved ones is a little piece of remembrance. I hope secretly that they do love me, and care for me, even if they don’t have time to show that explicitly. I will tell them ‘I Miss You’, even if don’t get a reply. I will tell them ‘I Love You’, even if they don’t reply me. I am feeling a greater inclination towards loving, than being loved; but the angle of inclination is not exactly aligned with my plane of view… because of that little grain of expectation that lies in between. When things go like this, I tend to get a micro sized tear in the corner of my eye which comes rolling down my cheek to seep into my barren heart… but before it could cross the that region which is gigantic for its size, it gets dried up. At those times I just ask myself… “Do u have to care this much…? Should you love selflessly...?” I don’t know the answer for these questions, because the key words are not there in my inbuilt library.
First 3 situations are those which are in each and every man and woman. But I find the last case I discussed with you to be more peculiar and a specially made problem for me, and a very few others like me. I really am confused in recognizing faces, in knowing the depth of trust I can have in them, and the amount of love I can expect from them. At times I do feel like a child demanding a candy… demanding for return of attention. I do feel righteous enough to get back what I gave. But when I look at things from the perception of a sensible adult, I know I am wrong. But what life is all about? I really don’t understand what exactly my problem is. I have everything but still I am not satisfied. Its hard for me chose between things… it’s difficult for me to mix emotions in the right proportion. Love and hatred; care and ignorance; expectations and disappointments; dreams and nightmares… these unlike poles form a whirl wind of emotions in me, blinding my senses.
Now I come back to my question. You would have cried for the first 3 reasons and you know that it was because of lack of proper care in handling the situation and relations. If you had cried for the last reason, you surely will know that you are mistake free; and you will also know that you don’t have reasons for why you cry and why it aches so much if not cared in return. That is the essence of humanity. We dint learn smelling that without touching, and may be that’s why we cry for a mistake which is not made by us. Before I end my article, I leave behind a slightly modified question… “Do you know why you cried for the events described in the final part?” If you find the reason, tell me… may be that will give a different direction in which I can think… may be that will plant a new seed in my soul.