2 Understanding relationships:

Understanding relationships:
Inter relationship:
These are some dialogs in a relationship. If you do this, then I will do that for you. If you don’t do this, then I will not do that for u. when love depends on ‘what you do’ and ‘what you don’t’, it disturbs the flow in the relationship. When conditions succeed, love fails. Where love succeeds, there will be no conditions. When too many conditions and rules are laid in a relation, it brings too much of mind into the relationship. Relationship being a matter of the heart, with too many conditions, the spontaneity of the relationship is lost. The net result is insecurity in the relationship, “Hey! He is not relating to me, but to my actions. I am not loved for what I am, but what I do and what I am expected ‘not to’. If this relation has to flow, then I have to keep doing things that would please him.” Now, with such a thought process, there are only 2 possibilities.
The first possibility: I want to be ‘me’, and so much I want to be ‘me’ that I will let go of that relationship, which doesn’t allow me to be ‘me’. Once, twice, thrice… when repeatedly my relationships fall apart, and all that is because I wanted to be me, I become insecure. Helplessly, the question creeps into mind, “Why is that no one is able to accept me for what I am?” after that, as you step into any new relationship, the thought process is, “what should I do to save at least this relationship?”
The second possibility: I want the relationship so much that I am willing to do anything and everything for the sake of pleasing him. I don’t care what I lose, but I want to save the relationship. My values, my principles, my originality, my priorities… in effect, my very life goes for a toss, for the sake of keeping the relationship intact. Eventually, I become manipulative. For the sake of the relationship, I start thinking, what if I do, how if I do, what if I don’t… will he be pleased with me. Every time after doing something I anxiously wait to see- what will be his reaction? This anxious wait makes me insecure. This everyday struggle to keep the relationship going makes me feel less about myself, and that makes me insecure.
Love is love, only when what you do and what you don’t does not alter my love for you. we call that unconditional love. Hmmm… if love is not unconditional, it is not love at all. Be unconditional in your love. Let them know, adults as well as children, no matter what they do, no matter what they don’t, you will love them the same forever. Be that source of security. Finding an unconditional lover is a consequence. Being an unconditional lover is a choice. Wanting an unconditional lover in your life makes you dependent. The best word you can utter in a relationship is “I will love you the same forever…’ if your love depends on the relationship, then you will not be able to say this. Relationship is a fluctuating phenomenon. Your love too fluctuates.

Intra-relationship:
This is nothing but your relationship with yourself. I can give only what I have. If I have ignorance, I can give only my ignorance. If I have wisdom, then I can give you my wisdom. Prosperity or poverty, I can share only what I have. If I don’t love myself, I can’t love others. If I can’t stand myself, I will not be able to stand anyone. If I don’t accept myself for what I am, I will not be able to accept myself for what I am; I will not be able to accept you for what you are. If I haven’t forgiven myself, I can’t forgive you. Whatever I need to give the world, it must first start with me.


Spiritual relationship:
The all important relationship is the spiritual relationship- relationship with the god.
How long can the lava retain its heat after leaving the volcano? How long can life go on without the source of energy, the sun? Where is the question of an effect without the cause? If you remove the sun from the sunrays, there are no more sunrays. If you remove the gold from the necklace, then there is no more a necklace. If you remove mud from a pot, there is no more a pot. Similarly, if you remove that source of life from you, from me, from our relationships, then nothing remains. Through prayers, through meditation, through the way you live your life, by the purity of your thoughts and feelings, by blemishless character, by devotion, surrender and faith, by doing, by non-doing…. Whatever be your ways… by all the ways live a life where you feel his presence all the time. When this one relationship is going right, life takes care of itself. For the first time you will understand the expression “My life is flowing…”

Source: Frozen thoughts